You recently spent an enjoyable weekend at a friend’s house.
Write an email to your friend, to say thank you for your stay.
In your email, you should:
thank your friend and say how you felt when you got home
describe what you enjoyed most about your stay
invite your friend to stay with you, and suggest some activities you might do together.
Student’s Response Submitted by a Member
Content Analysis
The candidate has generally fulfilled the task by addressing all the bullet points.
The second bullet is developed at appropriate length although some more details of the tea party could have been included, perhaps details of some friends?
The first bullet about ‘how you felt when you got home’ could be developed more. Candidate could have provided one or two specific reasons why he/she felt sad instead of simply mentioning “endless fun”.
The final bullet could have been developed more. The candidate could have used personalization effectively here and explained why the particular activity is suggested. e.g I know you have a thing for Harry Potter films; you’ll be glad to know I’ve got the entire collection with me, so we can munch some popcorn and watch them all night, if you like!
Language Analysis
We feel that “Well, guess what?” at the beginning of the letter has no use at all, as it is a descriptive letter and not a narrative. The use of “express my feelings” sounds formal – consider revising. A better start could be: I can’t tell you how much I relished spending the weekend with you.
The candidate has used mainly common vocabulary appropriately. However, the use of less common vocabulary is limited. (eg. ‘’laugh my head off”)
The third paragraph begins with an effectively-used cleft sentence which adds emphasis.
The candidate has incorrectly used superlative adjectives throughout the response, but this does not impede communication. (e.g It was THE most enjoyable,……I miss THE most….)
“Come over at my house” contains an inaccurate use of a preposition. Come over to my house.
Register is appropriate for the most part of the response even though not consistent throughout. The formal listing word “First of all” needs to be changed to an informal expression such as, “To start with,”.
The sentence “Well, I want to make a suggestion for you!”, is not required as we feel that it sounds a bit awkward since the purpose of the last bullet is to invite the other person to come over! We feel that directly starting the paragraph with “Why don’t you come over….” is more apt here.
Overall impression
The candidate displays the ability to use language with a good level of accuracy throughout the response. However, we felt the expressions used in the letter are very basic and do not help in engaging the reader.
Analysis and comments by Mohamed Sujaau & Ahmed Nasir, TEAM MOJO
© ESLMOJO 2019
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