Your grade 10 batch recently visited a hospital in your locality. Your teacher has asked you to write a report on the visit. In your report say what unique and specialist services are provided to patients and suggest how the trip helped you to identify different health care careers. Write a report for your teacher.
STUDENT’S RESPONSE
Purpose
As a part of the Career Expo in our school, all the students of grade 10 visited the renowned Asanda Hospital, located a few kilometres away from the town centre. The purpose of this report is to draw an insight into the modern facilities and services available there and explain how the trip benefited or motivated the enthusiastic young students to choose a career in health sector.
Highly rated services
The briefing by the administrator at the beginning of our visit emphasised and highlighted the hospital’s vision and commitment to provide world’s finest health care services. All the students were really amazed to learn the fact that the hospital is completely digitized. The majority of the patients we interviewed opined that they are blessed to have all the advanced machineries and facilities in the field of health care, made available for the locals in the Asanda Hospital. However, they stressed that the hospital management should listen to the criticism that most of the services are not affordable for the majority of the locals and should consider necessary changes.
Possible career opportunities
It was highly appreciated by all the students that they were given an opportunity to identify various career opportunities in the medical field, especially at a crucial time of their student life as they can dream of becoming a specialist doctor, a radiographer or even a laboratory technician. I personally was inspired by the paediatricians who had a busy day at the office but still managed to have a good rapport with all the patients.
Conclusion
Overall, the trip proved to be the most appropriate career guidance session for the young minds who are about to be graduated from secondary school.
ANALYSIS AND COMMENTS
I felt that this piece was well-organised and beautifully structured. The introduction serves its purpose very effectively.
As far the main body is concerned, it has two aptly-headed paragraphs that deal with the main scopes of the question. However, I felt that specific examples of the ‘unique and specialist services provided to the patients’ would have made the content even more complete. As such, examples of cutting-edge technologies like 320-slice CT scanner, painless delivery etc could have been very fitting here. Besides, I felt the last sentence of this paragraph is unnecessary here because the question didn’t ask for such an opinion or any recommendation for further improvement.
The second paragraph contains very appropriate specific examples of career paths for the visiting students. The aspect of ‘how the trip helped you to identify different health care careers’ was satisfactorily developed although I would have considered mentioning something like ‘the convincing lectures/information session given by the hospital manager’ ……..because the question asks ‘how’.
The conclusion is concise and effective.
The highlighted parts are the changes I made. I have fixed some slip-ups in language, avoided some repetitions and offered some suggestions (at least that’s what I thought with my limited knowledge.)
I guess the colons after the headings are not very necessary.
Hope my comments make some sense.!
Report Shared by Biju Joseph, Ghaazee School, Maldives
Analysis and comments by Ahmed Nasir, Premium Author and Mojo Team Member